Tag Archives: testicles

How to cook cat testicles with your coffee maker

Speaking of ballz… A while back ago, when I posted the “How to cook a cat with your coffee maker” on my Swedish blog, some people got kind of upset. I got all kind of weird comments but especially one got me very confused. This one person called me a cannibal and I really don’t get it. I’m not a cat (regardless of what Chris Ramsey believes). Iggy is not a human. So if I ate her (or if she ate me) that’s not cannibalism? Then it would be cannibalism if I ate a chicken, a cow, a pig or even if I swallowed a fly. And isn’t it normal in like China to eat both cats and dogs? And most of the Chinese people aren’t cannibals, are they? No, that was just a really stupid comment that I got.

But some people are kind of stupid and for those people I followed up with this next recipe, just to clear things out. If a cat eat parts of a cat – THAT´S cannibalism.

Or should I say canniballism

Fittingly the day after I got the comment we left Zappa for neutering. So now I give you my canniball-recipe:

how to cook food with your coffee maker how to cook food with your coffee maker

Time

  • 1 hour (excl. neutering)

Ingredients

  • 1 set of fresh cat testicles
  • 2 shrimps
  • 1 tbsp of Russian caviar (only the best for the best!)
  • Some minced meat
  • 1 quail egg yolk
  • 1 dash of oil
  • Some rocket salad

Instructions

Leave your male cat at the vets in the morning and pick him and “the remains” up in the afternoon.

Pour water into the coffee maker brewer and place the balls in the coffee maker carafe. Start your coffee maker and cook the balls until they get a bit more tender – but still with a crunchy core. The time depends on the size of the balls.

Meanwhile, prepare for the plating that ought to be kind of small portions – suitable for your cat. First a small bed of arugula, then a nice and round portion of minced meat and top with an egg yolk and a ball next to it.

Since it’s most often two balls I wanted to make two slightly different dishes. First the arugula, then the meat, but now top with shrimp, caviar and – of course – the second testicle.

Turn off your coffee maker.

Ready to be served!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Trying to find a suitaball recipe.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Don’t play with the food, Zappa!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook cat testicles with your coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

“Smells ballmy…”

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Nice to lick some ballz.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

“Thank you, Mami. That was delectaball!”

Now, that wasn’t hard to understand. Was it?

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook Testicle Tacos with your Coffee Maker – VIDEO

Yay! It’s finally Friday and you know what that mean? “Fredagsmys” of course! I blogged about this Swedish phenomena a couple of months ago, will copy/paste that post under this episode of “Kaffekokarkocken” (=”The Coffe Maker Chef”) - my very own food show that I wrote about yesterday.

In this episode I will show you how to cook Testicle Tacos (what all Swedes eat on the Fredagsmys) with your coffee maker. Unfortunately the subtitles are not ready yet, but I think you will get the hang of it. The HANG of it. Get it? Maybe it’s good that the subs are not ready. I live in Gothenburg, a city in Sweden, that is famous for it’s lousy jokes.

Yeye. This is how you cook Testicle Tacos with a coffee maker!

Update: Now with subtitles!

The text under the clip translates “It almost looks like small labia”. It really does at 0.26! 

                                                                                                                                          

The “Fredagsmys” (the Cosy Friday) is an important, very swedish, thing. And for some reason tacos is the thing we eat on the Fredagsmys while we cuddle up in our pajamas in the sofas in front of Let’s Dance or Swedish Idol and shows like that. There is even a song about the Fredagsmys that’s annoyingly catchy.

Usually the protein in tacos are minced beef or/and pork but I think it’s important to use as much of the animal as possible (as long as we eat meat it’s stupid not to) so that’s why I used testicles from sheep this time. And also because the testicles looked very sweet and funny when I saw them laying there in the meat counter.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

Time

1.5 hours

Ingredients

  • Sheep testicles (I used 2 testis)
  • Taco Seasoning
  • Oil
  • Taco Shells
  • Cucumber
  • Red onion
  • Paprika
  • Corn
  • Grated cheese
  • Jalapeño
  • Salad
  • Tomato
  • Guacamole (Dan made this, but I guessed he used avocados, garlic, creme fraiche and some lime)
  • Salsa
  • And other stuff that you prefer in your tacos

Instructions

I knew neither how testicle should taste, how it should look and definitely not how it’s supposed to be cooked. But somehow they turned out great!

At first you have to rinse and scale the testicles. Divide them into slightly smaller pieces. Or well, that depends of how well hung the sheep were, maybe you don’t need to do this. But one of the testies I bought was freaking huge.

Add the pieces of testies in the coffee can, pour water into the brewer and start the coffee maker. Coffee maker cook for so-so 20 minutes. Chop up all the accessories in the meantime and prepare the guacamole.

When the testies become completely cooked, i.e. (what I think is) more grayish and spongy and less like a jelly fish, drain and rinse the disgusting stuff of from the balls. It sticks a lot of old testicular mucus which I don’t think should be there. Chop up the testies so it will become like testicular mince. Season with taco seasoning. Of course.

Heat the oil directly on the coffee maker plate and add the taco testicular mince. Coffee maker fry until the minced testies get a nice golden color. Turn off the coffee maker.

Serve the testies with whatever you want inside your testicle taco and let the Fredagsmys begin!

cooking with a coffee maker

It’s impossible not to fall in love with these!

cooking with a coffee maker

I didn’t think a testicle would have this consistency. Like a mix between chicken fillet and jelly fish.

coffee machine cuisine

Ball boiling.

cooking with a coffee maker

How to cook testicle tacos with your coffee maker!

cooking with a coffee maker

I like to have many balls in the air.

And what did it taste like? Great! I think maybe like a mix between chicken and quorn with a hint of sweaty balls. Maybe I just imagined the last part.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook Testicle Tacos with your coffee maker

The “Fredagsmys” (the Cosy Friday) is an important, very swedish, thing. And for some reason tacos is the thing we eat on the Fredagsmys while we cuddle up in our pajamas in the sofas in front of Let’s Dance or Swedish Idol and shows like that. There is even a song about the Fredagsmys that’s annoyingly catchy.

Usually the protein in tacos are minced beef or/and pork but I think it’s important to use as much of the animal as possible (as long as we eat meat it’s stupid not to) so that’s why I used testicles from sheep this time. And also because the testicles looked very sweet and funny when I saw them laying there in the meat counter.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

Time

1.5 hours

Ingredients

  • Sheep testicles (I used 2 testis)
  • Taco Seasoning
  • Oil
  • Taco Shells
  • Cucumber
  • Red onion
  • Paprika
  • Corn
  • Grated cheese
  • Jalapeño
  • Salad
  • Tomato
  • Guacamole (Dan made this, but I guessed he used avocados, garlic, creme fraiche and some lime)
  • Salsa
  • And another stuff that you prefer in your tacos

Instructions

I knew neither how testicle should taste, how it should look and definately not how it’s supposed to be cooked. But somehow they turned out great!

At first you have to rinse and scale the testicles (see clip below). Divide them into slightly smaller pieces. Or well, that depends of how well hung the sheep were, maybe you don’t need to do this. But one of the testis I bought was freaking huge.

Add the pieces of testies in the coffee can, pour water into the brewer and start the coffee maker. Coffee maker cook for so-so 20 minutes. Chop up all the accessories in the meantime and prepare the guacamole.

When the testies become completely cooked, i.e. (what I think is) more grayish and spongy and less like a jelly fish, drain and rinse the disgusting stuff of from the balls. It sticks a lot of old testicular mucus which I don’t think should be there. Chop up the testies so it will become like testicular mince. Season with taco seasoning. Of course.

Heat the oil directly on the coffee maker plate and add the taco testicular mince. Coffee maker fry until the minced testies get a nice golden color. Turn off the coffee maker.

Serve the testies with whatever you want inside your testicle taco and let the Fredagsmys begin!

how to cook food in a coffee maker

It’s impossible to not fall in love with these!

how to cook food in a coffee maker

I didn’t think a testicle would have this consistency. Like a mix between chicken fillet and jelly fish.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

Ball boiling.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

How to cook testicle tacos with your coffee maker!

how to cook food in a coffee maker

I like to have many balls in the air.

And what did it taste like? Great! I think maybe like a mix between chicken and quorn with a hint of sweaty balls. Maybe I just imagined the last part.

OK! Here’s how you rinse and scale the testies.

Doesn’t it look like a vagina that’s popping out?

Ha! This is how it looks like right now on GP.se (one of Sweden’s largest newspaper).

testicle tacos

Yup. I’m the one who’s juggling with the testicles.

Foto: Dan Sörensen.