Tag Archives: shrimp

How to cook cat testicles with your coffee maker

Speaking of ballz… A while back ago, when I posted the “How to cook a cat with your coffee maker” on my Swedish blog, some people got kind of upset. I got all kind of weird comments but especially one got me very confused. This one person called me a cannibal and I really don’t get it. I’m not a cat (regardless of what Chris Ramsey believes). Iggy is not a human. So if I ate her (or if she ate me) that’s not cannibalism? Then it would be cannibalism if I ate a chicken, a cow, a pig or even if I swallowed a fly. And isn’t it normal in like China to eat both cats and dogs? And most of the Chinese people aren’t cannibals, are they? No, that was just a really stupid comment that I got.

But some people are kind of stupid and for those people I followed up with this next recipe, just to clear things out. If a cat eat parts of a cat – THAT´S cannibalism.

Or should I say canniballism

Fittingly the day after I got the comment we left Zappa for neutering. So now I give you my canniball-recipe:

how to cook food with your coffee maker how to cook food with your coffee maker

Time

  • 1 hour (excl. neutering)

Ingredients

  • 1 set of fresh cat testicles
  • 2 shrimps
  • 1 tbsp of Russian caviar (only the best for the best!)
  • Some minced meat
  • 1 quail egg yolk
  • 1 dash of oil
  • Some rocket salad

Instructions

Leave your male cat at the vets in the morning and pick him and “the remains” up in the afternoon.

Pour water into the coffee maker brewer and place the balls in the coffee maker carafe. Start your coffee maker and cook the balls until they get a bit more tender – but still with a crunchy core. The time depends on the size of the balls.

Meanwhile, prepare for the plating that ought to be kind of small portions – suitable for your cat. First a small bed of arugula, then a nice and round portion of minced meat and top with an egg yolk and a ball next to it.

Since it’s most often two balls I wanted to make two slightly different dishes. First the arugula, then the meat, but now top with shrimp, caviar and – of course – the second testicle.

Turn off your coffee maker.

Ready to be served!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Trying to find a suitaball recipe.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Don’t play with the food, Zappa!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook cat testicles with your coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

“Smells ballmy…”

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Nice to lick some ballz.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

“Thank you, Mami. That was delectaball!”

Now, that wasn’t hard to understand. Was it?

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

When I competed in the Tapas Swedish Championship…

I’ve made Tapas many times with my coffee maker. One time, a couple of years ago in the beginning of my “cooking career”, I uploaded my tapas recipe for the Swedish Tapas Championship. Didn’t think much of it afterwards since it was a coffee maker cooked tapas that I uploaded just for fun. BUT IT REACHED THE FINALS! So I had to go to Stockholm and prepare my tapas together with a couple of other finalists (they were more or less pros) in a big kitchen. So I stood there with my coffee maker while all of the others used more “traditional” ways to cook their dish. That was so weird.

coffee machine cuisine

Since I had to wait a long time for my tapas to coffee maker cook I just drank loads of wine (it was a wine distributor that arranged the competition = FREE WINE WEHU!)

Then I had to present my dish in front of a jury! They didn’t know that it was cooked with a coffee maker and when I told them they first thought I was a complete moron that made fun of the championship. But after they announced the winner (it wasn’t me) and all of us had a dinner I told them more about my experiment. And they loved it! Or they might also have thought that I was mentally challenged and were just being nice to me.

tapas championship

Just look at them! WEIRD! The guy in red is a former Swedish musician that I had a huge crush on when I was little, that made it even more weird.

squid tapas

It looked kind of nice though, right?

I wasn’t supposed to write about this tapas today. I’ve got a brand new recipe I made a couple of days ago – with great tasting tapas (I’ve learned a lot these past years!). But since I’m going on and on about this dish I might as well continue and that other recipe will have to wait.

The reason why I made this particular tapas was because I fell in love with some squids. Well… Just look at them.

cooking with a coffee maker

<3

So after Dan took some photos of them I had to come up with a recipe. And here it is:

Squid tapas

Time

  • 1 h 30 min

Ingredients

  • Squid
  • Halloumi
  • Red onion
  • Shrimps
  • Lemon salt
  • Pepper
  • Garlic
  • Butter

I made a sauce as well but it had like two thousand ingredients and didn’t even taste that good. I tried to make some kind of a orange/sweet chili sauce. So serve with a nice orange sauce.

Instructions

Clean the squid and chop into smaller pieces. Put a piece on a stick, then a piece of onion and halloumi. Repeat until the stick is full and place a shrimp at the end.

Start your coffee maker. Add butter and garlic onto the coffee maker heater and place the squid tapas directly on it. Fry until they get a golden color. Twist and turn the stick every now and then. Season.

Turn off your coffee maker and serve the squid tapas together with (hopefully) a nice and fresh orange sauce.

squid tapas

How to cook squid tapas with a coffee maker.

coffee machine cuisine

The coffee maker chef in action.

squid tapas

Squid tapas!

wille crafoord

Oh yes. He definitely thought I was “different”.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

 

 

How to cook a birthday cake for your cat with a coffee maker.

Today is Gucci’s birthday! I’m not quite sure how old she is (her pedigree is somewhere at my parents’ place) but I think it’s her sweet 16. For her 15th (?) birthday I made her this birthday cake. I will never do it again because the smell was horrible and I almost threw up a couple of times.

But it looks quite nice, huh? A great tip is to starve your cats for a while before serving the cake. Our cats weren’t hungry when I finally served it so all of it was for nothing.

cooking with your coffee maker

 

Time

  • 3 hours (including cooling)

Ingredients

  • 1 bowl of dry foods
  • 1 pkg. of liver pâté
  • Some sheets of ham
  • Wet food
  • Shrimps
  • 1 egg yolk
  • Cat treats

Instructions

Add the dry food to the carafe and pour water into the brewer. Start your coffee maker and cook it until the dry food loosen up properly. Season with shrimps, stir and drain extra water if needed. Add an egg yolk and stir some more. Turn off your coffee maker.

Wrap the inside of an heart formed bowl (or whatever form you got) with cling film (this will make it easier to remove cake from bowl) and add some of the dry food mixture in the bottom. Layer with ham, shrimps, wet food, more dry food mixture, cat treats or other stuff that your cat fancies. Let the cake cool and stiff for a while in the freezer.

Remove the cake from the bowl and remove the cling film. Frost the cake with liver pâté and decorate it with cat treats, garlic press pressed pâté and top with a ham flower. ;)

Serve the cake accompanied with a bowl of yummy cat milk.

Purrfect!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

I can’t even explain how disgusting I think this smells…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…but Zappa think it smells delicious!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook a birthday cake for your cat with a coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Let the bowl of disgustingness cool of for a while.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Layer with dry food mixture, wet food, shrimps, ham or whatever your little fur ball fancies. Frost the cake with liver pâté.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

In honor of the day Iggy was dressed up in her pink boa…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…and Zappa was super handsome in his bow tie…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…and of course the meowsome birthday girl Gucci was looking more beautiful than ever!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

They all tasted the cake, but like I said before… Starve them a while so they will appreciate all of your work more.

Happy birthday Gucci! Did you know that she’s got her own blog? She’s quite famous you see. Check it out! 

This is the music that will play all day long…

♫♫♫ Meow, meow, meow! ♫♫♫

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

Creamy avocado soup

cooking with your coffee maker

Time

1.5 hours

Ingredients

2 avocados
2 cups whipping cream
Juice of half a lemon
1 tsp green curry paste
2 cups of water
1/2 vegetable bouillon cube
1 handful of shrimps

Instructions

Peel and scoop out the avocado meat. Put it in the coffee can and add cream, lemon juice and curry paste. Mix this until it’s smooth. Place the coffee maker can on the plate, pour water into the machine, the bouillon into the hopper (?) and turn on the coffee maker. Coffee maker boil the avocado soup for about an hour.

Pour into a bowl and spice the soup with a bit of zest left over.

Turn off the coffeemaker.

cooking with your coffee maker

Mix it all up.

cooking with your coffee maker

Boily boily.

cooking with your coffee maker

Matching nail polish… Beautiful!

Foto: Dan Sörensen.