How to cook a birthday cake for your cat with a coffee maker.

Today is Gucci’s birthday! I’m not quite sure how old she is (her pedigree is somewhere at my parents’ place) but I think it’s her sweet 16. For her 15th (?) birthday I made her this birthday cake. I will never do it again because the smell was horrible and I almost threw up a couple of times.

But it looks quite nice, huh? A great tip is to starve your cats for a while before serving the cake. Our cats weren’t hungry when I finally served it so all of it was for nothing.

cooking with your coffee maker

 

Time

  • 3 hours (including cooling)

Ingredients

  • 1 bowl of dry foods
  • 1 pkg. of liver pâté
  • Some sheets of ham
  • Wet food
  • Shrimps
  • 1 egg yolk
  • Cat treats

Instructions

Add the dry food to the carafe and pour water into the brewer. Start your coffee maker and cook it until the dry food loosen up properly. Season with shrimps, stir and drain extra water if needed. Add an egg yolk and stir some more. Turn off your coffee maker.

Wrap the inside of an heart formed bowl (or whatever form you got) with cling film (this will make it easier to remove cake from bowl) and add some of the dry food mixture in the bottom. Layer with ham, shrimps, wet food, more dry food mixture, cat treats or other stuff that your cat fancies. Let the cake cool and stiff for a while in the freezer.

Remove the cake from the bowl and remove the cling film. Frost the cake with liver pâté and decorate it with cat treats, garlic press pressed pâté and top with a ham flower. ;)

Serve the cake accompanied with a bowl of yummy cat milk.

Purrfect!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

I can’t even explain how disgusting I think this smells…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…but Zappa think it smells delicious!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook a birthday cake for your cat with a coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Let the bowl of disgustingness cool of for a while.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Layer with dry food mixture, wet food, shrimps, ham or whatever your little fur ball fancies. Frost the cake with liver pâté.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

In honor of the day Iggy was dressed up in her pink boa…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…and Zappa was super handsome in his bow tie…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…and of course the meowsome birthday girl Gucci was looking more beautiful than ever!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

They all tasted the cake, but like I said before… Starve them a while so they will appreciate all of your work more.

Happy birthday Gucci! Did you know that she’s got her own blog? She’s quite famous you see. Check it out! 

This is the music that will play all day long…

♫♫♫ Meow, meow, meow! ♫♫♫

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook sushi with your coffee maker

cooking with your coffee maker

Time

1,5 hour

Ingredients

  • 1 sushi making kit (with rice, rice vinegar, wasabi, soy sauce, ginger, seaweed sheets, bamboo sushi mat, sticks)
  • 200 g salmon
  • 1 cucumber
  • 2 carrots
  • 2 avocados
  • Salt

Instructions

Pour water into the brewer, salt in the filter thingy and the rice into the carafe. Start your coffee maker. Let the rice cook in your coffee maker for about… I don’t know exactly, that depends on what rice you are using. I overcooked my rice. Don’t do that.

Turn off your coffee maker.

Mix the rice vinegar with the rice. Let it cool. Meanwhile shred the vegetables and the salmon into long thin strips.

Take the bamboo sushi mat and place a piece of seaweed on top. Add rice, salmon, maybe some wasabi and vegetables in the middle of the seaweed and roll up the bamboo mat slowly. Remove the roll from the mat and leave it with the joining edges downwards. Don’t place in the fridge because this dries out the rice.

Use a lightly moistened sharp knife to cut the rolls into smaller pieces. Serve with ginger, more wasabi and little bowls of soy sauce.

cooking with your coffee maker

Even though the cats guarded the rice with their lives we completely overcooked it.

cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook sushi with your coffee maker

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

blogging

This is what it looked like when I wrote this blog post…

How to cook a cat with your coffee maker

After I posted this on the Swedish version of Coffee Machine Cuisine people got very upset. Some of the things they called me was idiot, cannibal (?) and they even said that I’m the reason for the low status that cats got in this society. I don’t get why people are so upset?! It’s no worse than eating a cow, pig or a chicken if you ask me. And hunting must be the most humane way to kill animals for food.

It all took place on a warm and sunny day when me and Dan were out at our cabin with all of our cats. Since we got so many cats I figured that I could shoot one of them so I released them into the woods and began the hunt. First I thought that the fat one, Gucci, would be an easy shot but she managed to escape surprisingly quickly. It was the sun that eventually was Iggy’s downfall. She is quite photophobic you see so she could hardly see where she was going. And BAM, easy shot for me.cooking with your coffee maker

R.I.P. my little sweetheart.

Time

  • 5 hours

Ingredients

  • 1 cat
  • ½ red onion
  • 1 pimiento
  • 1 clove of garlic
  • 2 ½ dl coconut milk
  • 2 ½ dl cream
  • 2 tbsp meat extract
  • Juice of lime
  • Ginger
  • Butter

Instructions

Skin, fillet and chop the kitty cat. Start your coffee maker, grease the heater and place the pieces of your cat onto it. Fry it until they are cooked throughly and tender, it will take about an hour (it depends on what cut of meat you’re using and how fresh it is). Remove the meat and wipe the heater.

Chop all of the remaining ingredients that shall be chopped. Put a dollop of butter into the carafe, let it melt and then put the onion and the garlic in the carafe and fry it for about half an hour. Season with ginger. Add coconut milk, cream and meat extract and let it cook for two hours – it should get really warm. After that add the cat meat and wait a bit longer. Finally add pimiento pieces, lime juice and season generously with freshly ground black pepper and just a little salt. Turn off your coffee maker.

The best way to serve this delicious cat stew is accompanied by a glass of a tasty red wine and freshly baked bread.

cooking with your coffee maker

Dan was a little bit upset because Iggy was his favorite cat. But he’s over it now.

cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook a cat with your coffee maker.

cooking with your coffee maker

Wipe the heater after the cat frying.

cooking with your coffee maker

Take nice photos of the ingredients for your blog post.

cooking with your coffee maker

Add lime juice.

cooking with your coffee maker

Dan took this photo just before I shot her. Look at the panicked eyes. Haha!

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

No cats were harmed in the making of this recipe (one died though).

Oh, and check out the date for this post… ;)

How to waffle your steak to perfection

Well since it’s the International (?) Waffle Day, here’s another blog post that’s totally suitable for this day. A recipe of a minute steak that’s fried with a hair waffle iron and served with coffee maker cooked pasta. Yummie!cooking with your coffee maker

Time

  • Only about half an hour!

Ingredients

  • Minute steak
  • Fresh pasta
  • Crème fraîche preferably with some flavor (I used honey and goat cheese flavored)
  • 1 bell pepper
  • 1 red onion
  • Cucumber
  • Butter
  • Oil
  • Salt
  • Pepper

Instructions

Grease the minute steak and chop the onion and the bell pepper. Add pasta and a dash of oil in the coffee maker carafe, pour water into the brewer and a pinch of salt in the filter thingy. Start your coffee maker and plug in your hair waffle iron.

Let the pasta cook for about ten to fifteen minutes. Drain and add butter, crème fraîche, bell pepper and onion into the carafe and mix this together. Season and heat it some more on the coffee maker whilst cooking your minute steak.

Place the minute steak between the two waffle iron arms. Press firmly. Proceed until the whole steak is cooked and got a nice color. Season with salt and pepper. It’s super smart to cook with your hair waffler like this because you can choose to have your steak well done on some parts and raw on some parts.

Turn of your coffee maker and unplug your hair waffler.

Serve the pasta hash with the perfectly waffled minute steak and with some sliced cucumber.cooking with your coffee maker

Pour water into the brewer.
cooking with your coffee maker

“Teh meat smells purrfect!”

cooking with your coffee maker

Now that’s a nice and juicy armpit vagina!

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

Crispy Vanilla Waffles

It’s the international waffle day and this is how you bake crispy vanilla waffles with your coffee maker.

cooking with your coffee maker

Time

  • That depends on how many waffles you’d like. At least one hour anyway.

Ingredients

(for a whole lot of coffee maker made waffles)

  • 75g butter
  • 3 dl milk
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 2 tsp vanilla
  • 3 dl flour
  • 1 dl whipping cream
  • Pinch of salt
  • Jam and whipped cream for serving

Instructions

Start your coffee maker and melt the butter in the coffee maker carafe. Whip the cream so it thickens just a bit in one bowl and mix all the other ingredients well in another. Add cream and butter into this bowl and mix smooth.

Grease the coffee maker heater with butter and pour batter onto it. Cook until crispy and turn. Repeat with the rest of the batter. Turn off your coffee maker.

Serve for example with delicious cloudberry jam and whipped cream.

cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook crispy vanilla waffles with your coffee maker.

Oh! If you’d like to have waffles with holes in them, smash them with a meat hammer.

coffee machine cuisine

Photo from the coffee maker baked c(h)risp bread recipe.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

Bacon wrapped chili crayfish with mango

After an incident in Thailand a year ago I can’t eat shrimps or crayfishes. I almost got sick just from the smell of this dish. You can probably guess what happened in Thailand so I won’t go into any details. Dan however (who didn’t share my experience) thought it was delish!

cooking with your coffee maker

Time

  • 1 h

Ingredients

  • X crayfish
  • X/2 slices bacon
  • X pieces of mango
  • Chili
  • Y tbsp mayo
  • Y tsp mustard
  • Y tsp honey

Instructions

Start your coffee maker. Tear off the crayfish head and wrap the tail with 1/2 slice of bacon, secure with a toothpick. Season with chili. Place it on the heater and coffee maker fry until the bacon gets a nice, golden color. Turn and season again.

Mix the salsa and peel and dice the mango. When the wrapped crayfish is nicely coffee maker cooked add the mango at the end of the toothpick. And sprinkle some more chili! Turn off your coffee maker.

Serve the chili spiced bacon crayfish with salsa. Hopefully you won’t get as sick as I got in Thailand when you are finished eating…

cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook bacon wrapped crayfish with your coffee maker.

cooking with your coffee maker

Attack of the giant crayfishes.

Foto: Dan Sörenfish.

Seven kinds of cookies

Let’s proceed with the cookie recipes I made together with Maria. Most of the recipes are based on ordinary shortcrust, so google that because I didn’t write it down. Anyway the ingredients aren’t as important as looks and execution. And I’ll tell you all about that in this blog post.

To bake and serve Seven kinds of cookies on the coffee break (the “fika”) is as Swedish as moose hunting, lingonberries (<- coffee maker made recipe for lingonberry ice-cream), midsummer, clogs, semla (<- coffee maker made recipe for semla), the Skarsgård family, snus, chrisp breads (<- coffee maker made recipe for chrisp breads), IKEA and royalties with dyslexia.

I don’t know anything about the history for Sju sorters kakor either, and once again I don’t care. I know it’s supposed to be seven kinds of different cookies that you have on your fika and then everybody is happy.

These are my seven cookies I want to serve to you on my fika.

Shit. This recipe is so much more fun in Swedish. Now you have to learn the Swedish names for the different cookies. Let’s begin with: Cookie = kaka.

Mögelkaka: Mold cookie
Kattbajskaka: Cat poop cookie
Pacmankaka: Pac man cookie
Finska finnar (Finska pinnar (Finnish sticks) is a very traditional cookie): Finnish pimples
Kondylomkaka: Condyloma cookie
Mardrömmar (Drömmar is also a traditional one): Nightmares (drömmar= dreams)
Moderkaka: Placenta (the literal translation is mother cookie)

Time

30 minutes/cookie

Instructions

Mix all the different cookie ingredients. Prepare the cookies as they should be prepared (see below) and put them on the coffee maker heater. Let them coffee maker bake until they are baked properly. Don’t forget to turn off your coffee maker when you are done baking!
cooking with your coffee maker

Which one is your favorite?

Let’s start with the preparations of the Mögelkaka.

Mögelkaka = Mold cake

The ingredients are oatmeal, sugar and butter. Mix them together and add just a few drops of blue caramel color. Stir a little and tadaaa!
cooking with your coffee maker

Doesn’t it like it has molded?

Kattbajskaka = Cat poop cookies

These are shortcrust cookies + cacao (+ hair). My cat Gucci was my inspiration for this recipe. You know when cats accidentally eats hair a turd might hang out from the anus because of the hair that’s still inside. And the cats panic because somethings chasing them… Gucci does that quite often. Ha! Poor cat.
cooking with your coffee maker

Can you see the hair?

Pacman kaka = Pac man cookie

Also shortcrust. Some of it with cacao and some of it without. The eye is a corinth. One of my favorites taste wise (I removed the corinth, that’s disgusting).

Finska finnar = Finnish pimples

Shortcrust + glaze + caramel color = Finnish pimples.
cooking with your coffee maker

Finnish pimples are those tiny ones.

Kondylomkakor = Condyloma cookies

Aren’t these cookies cute? I told you that Maria is a bake pro and she made these little cookies look just like small vaginas. Small vaginas with condyloma. Only using shortcrust, some cacao, caramel color and glaze. If you didn’t use all of the hair to the cat poop cookies you can add some to these cookies as well.
cooking with your coffee maker

Cookie vaginas before condyloma outbreak.

Mardrömmar = Nightmares

Google recipe for “Drömmar” and add cacao. Then you have a nightmare cookie. This one was Maria’s favorite.
cooking with your coffee maker

Zappa – the cocaine (?) cat.

Moderkaka = Placenta (≈mother cake)

The Moderkaka is not at all a traditional seven kinds of cookies cookie, but it sure is my favorite one. Okey, none of the above are traditional but the other ones are at least based on the same ingredients as traditional ones. The Moderkaka is harder to find but just ask the nearest hospital/pregnant friend/veterinarian and you might get lucky.
cooking with your coffee maker
cooking with your coffee maker

Tip: Cook the placenta (mother cake) last.

Fancy a fika?

Photo: Dan Sörensen

Fika Time – Semla Time

Do you know what a semla is?

A Semla is a great little thing and one of my favorite Swedish pastries. Unfortunately we only eat it once a year and that’s on the “Fat Tuesday” (and that’s soon, this year it’s on March 4). Or no we don’t. You’re supposed to eat the Semla only on the Fat Tuesday but it seems like every day from christmas to easter is Fat Tuesdays because we Swedes obviously can’t settle for eating the Semla just once a year. And the bakeries are well aware of that…

So the Semla history? I don’t know anything about it (didn’t some old Swedish king die from eating only Semlas?). I could google it but I don’t care. It’s not important. Now I’ll tell you what’s important with the Semla. And that’s how you bake it with your coffee maker.

Oh! I modified the Semla into Semlapraliner (like baby Semlas). So now you can eat lots of Semlas instead of just one at a time. Because let’s face it… You only need to eat one normal sized Semla. They are quite filling and you feel disgusted after eating them. But they are great!

cooking with your coffee maker

In the background you can spot coffee maker baked baby cinnamon buns.

Time

  • 1 hour (+ dough making)

Ingredients

  • A dough (I baked this (and lots of other stuff as well) together with my friend and bake pro Maria so I let her take care of the dough)
  • Whipped cream
  • Vanilla sugar
  • Almond icing
  • Icing sugar

Instructions

Prepare the dough like Maria did.

Start your coffee maker. Divide the dough into small pieces and form them into little buns. Bake them on directly on the heater for approximately 40 minutes (depending on the size). Twist and turn so they get baked thoroughly.

Mix vanilla and cream and whip it hard so it gets really fluffy. Cut the tip of the baked bun off and spread a wide layer of almond icing on the bottom. You can also add some almond icing in the whipped sugar cream if you fancy almond icing as much as I do. Yeah, do that – it will taste heavenly. Add the cream mixture and put the little lid on top and dust it with icing sugar before serving.

And the fika is ready!

cooking with your coffee maker

This was, as you can see, the baking of the baby cinnamon buns. But it looked almost the same.

cooking with your coffee maker

Precision…

cooking with your coffee maker

What a little masterpiece, right!?

We baked lots of other things that day (and other days as well). One of my all time favorite recipes I made together with Maria and that’s “7 sorters kakor” (7 kinds of cookies – also a very Swedish recipe). Well I might have 20 favorite coffee maker made recipes but 7 kinds of cookies is definitely one of them. Gonna show you how to bake that soon in another blog post!

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

Sweet-n-Hot Apple Chutney

By now you ought to know that pretty much everything is possible to cook with a coffee maker. So today’s recipe shouldn’t surprise you much. Apple chutney is quite simple to cook with a coffee maker. It takes a little while though (as with all coffee maker made recipes) but the result is just as good and tasty as if you would have cooked it on a stove.

Or I think so anyway. I have never tried to cook apple chutney on a stove. That seems boring.

cooking with your coffee maker

Time

  • 2-3 hours

Ingredients

  • 3 apples
  • 1/2 yellow onion
  • 1 tbsp grated ginger
  • 1 carrot
  • 1/2 chili
  • 1/2 dl white wine vinegar
  • 1 dl water
  • 1.5 dl of sugar
  • 2 tbsp honey
  • Lemon juice from 1/4 lemon
  • Chiliflakes
  • Chipotle chili
  • Chili Seasoning
  • Some other chili as well
  • Curry
  • Oil

Instructions

Start your coffee maker and frizzle chopped onion with oil, ginger and chili in the coffee maker carafe for half an hour.

Dice apples, grate the carrot and add this along with the vinegar, sugar, honey, lemon juice and spices into the carafe and pour the water into the brewer. After a while season with more spices, I made ​​my chutney really hot and nice (as you see) with all sorts of chili varieties I found at home. Let it simmer until everything has become as messy as you prefer it. Turn off the coffeemaker.

I recommend that you serve this yummie and spicy chutney with some cheese and crackers, but it will work just as fine together with a big, fat and juicy steak!

cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook apple chutney with your coffee maker.

cooking with your coffee maker

Spoon the chutney into a sterilized jar and seal while hot.

cooking with your coffee maker

Foto: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook Swedish Pitepalt with a coffee maker

Palt (aka pitepalt), or potato dumplings, is apparently a traditional Swedish dish like meatballs, smorgasbord or blood pudding. I didn’t know much about palt, probably because it’s much more common in the very north of Sweden. Since I’m from the far south I never tried it before I made it in my coffee maker.

Taste wise it’s not my favorite traditional Swedish dish, but it definitely serves it’s purpose. It’s is extremely filling. There’s even an expression called “Paltkoma” (= potato dumpling coma) and I’m not surprised  that expression exists.

cooking with your coffee maker

Time

  • About 2 hours

Ingredients

  • 10-15 small potatoes
  • 1 dl barley flour
  • 0.75 dl flour
  • 3 slices of salted pork
  • 0.5 tsp salt
  • Lingonberry jam
  • Salt
  • Butter

Instructions

Peel the potatoes, shred them and mix with salt and flour into a dough. Divide this and form it into 5 balls. Insert salted pork (that you have divided into squares) into center of each ball. Roll them between palms to enclose the pork completely and form smooth balls.

Pour water into the brewer, salt in the can and start your coffee maker. When the water has gone through the system slowly place the palt balls in the can and coffee maker cook for 1,5 hour. Turn off your coffee maker.

Drain and place the palt on a plate. Serve with lingonberry jam and a big dollop of butter!

cooking with your coffee maker

Shred the potatoes. It should be even better shredded than this, but after a misunderstanding it turned out like this.

cooking with your coffee maker

Moisten your hands and you won’t get sticky fingers.

cooking with your coffee maker

Focused…

cooking with your coffee maker

Finally five perfect palt balls!

cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook palt, or potato dumplings, with your coffee maker.

Foto: Dan Sörensen.

The Homies Awards

The Kitchn (read their post about my cooking experiment) has this blog award called The Homies where you can nominate and vote for your favorite food and home design blogs. One category is “Best Food Blog from Abroad” and that’s where I hope you’ll nominate Coffee Machine Cuisine. There are also lots of other great blogs, well if you are into the “common” stove cooking that is. So check it out!

You’ll have to sign in before voting but it’s easy. So head over to The Kitchn (before this friday) and click +1 next to Coffee Machine Cuisine. It would be so cool to be one of the ten finalists. Thanks!

the kitchn

Me and my homies making Sausaghetti.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

Bloody Valentine – How to cook three kinds of heart with your coffee maker

Valentine’s Day is called “Alla hjärtans dag” in Sweden and literally that translates “All of the hearts’ day”. So I went and bought three kinds of hearts (didn’t find any more) so it’s not really a “All of the hearts’s day”-recipe, but at least a three hearts’ recipe – lamb, chicken and pig. Well, a four hearts’ recipe if you count the love from your own heart that you’ll put in the making of this dish.

If we put this jibber jabber aside and get to the point. How do you cook heart with a coffee maker? I asked myself that question yesterday and like with the testies recipe I didn’t have a clue. The only thing I knew was that if it taste like liver it’s not right. So when it started to smell like liver during the cooking I got kind of nervous. I don’t know if I imagined the smell, or if the other ingredients hid the taste of liver, because the finished dish didn’t taste like liver.

So, this my friend, is how you cook three different kinds of heart on your coffee maker and make a romantic salad out of it.

coffee machine cuisine

Time

2 hours

Ingredients

1/2 coffee maker plate of pig heart (1 plate is what fits on the coffee maker heater)
1/2 coffee maker plate of lamb heart
1/2 coffee maker plate of chicken hearts
Red chard
Pomegranate
Mozzarella
Parmesan
Walnuts
Balsamic vinegar
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper
Butter

Instructions

Start your coffee maker and heat the butter directly on the plate. Clear away the gory stuff from the hearts and cut into smaller pieces. Coffee maker fry a plate of lamb and pig heart (50 /50) throughly on each side. The time depends on the sizes of the pieces, for me it took approximately 45 minutes. Twist and turn so the hearts wont get burned. Season with love (salt and pepper) .

Replace the lamb and the pig hearts to all the chickens’ hearts you have prepared. Coffee maker cook them exactly the same as the others. Turn of your coffee maker.

Mix the salad with shared mozzarella and pomegranate. Place the hearts on the bed of salad. Top with grated parmesan and crushed walnuts. Drizzle balsamic vinegar and serve.

coffee machine cuisine

There will be blood.

coffee machine cuisine

Burned heart.

coffee machine cuisine

Broken heart.

 

 

coffee machine cuisine

I just love to play with my food (while the angels of the lambs, pigs and chickens all hums “Quit playing games with my heart”).

Actually I don’t really care at all about Valentine’s Day. The “usual” celebration of this day anyway. My approach however to the day and my recipe I find is darn good. This is a recipe that contains a lot of hearts (this makes more sense in Sweden because of the Swedish name for Valentine’s – “All of the hearts’ day”)! There is a large surplus of hearts (and other parts of course) after the animals were slaughtered so this is a good day to celebrate the nose to tail eating instead. So from the bottom of my heart I wish you a lovely All of the hearts’ day.

Foto: Dan Sörensen.