Virtually Famous

coffee machine cuisine

I’m gonna be on the brand new panel show Virtually Famous! I was in London this weekend and invited to the show as a Mystery Guest… It was AWESOME. You’ll have to see it.

meowtfit of the day

Before the show…

coffee machine cuisine

“I think she’s famous for being an athlete from the future.” “Yada yada Beetlejuice…” “… Covered in tin foil…”. Guess what outfit I finally chose?

ROSKILDE FESTIVAL

YAAAAY! On sunday Roskilde Festival opens. I can’t wait! We’re driving down south to Lund and Malmö tomorrow and will leave the cats with Dan’s brother and his family. And I’m going to spend some time with my niece, Thilde. This is Thilde.

how to cook food with a coffee maker

The Swedish Mini Coffee Maker Chef <3 Of course she’s wearing her best cat tee whilst cooking with her coffee maker that auntie gave her. Her favorite book is this one, we read it every time we see each other. 

Since my brother and his wife are going to a wedding it’s finally all clear for me and Thilde to cook with their beautiful Mocca Master! (To my brother: NO, I’M JUST KIDDING!!! I KNOW I’M NOT ALLOWED TO COOK WITH YOUR FREKKIN MOCCA MASTER! Chill.)

Anyway… On sunday we’re going to Roskilde and have an amazing week with lots of great music, friends, weirdness and food of course. This is how you cook my favorite festival food with a coffee maker. Canned ravioli! Since I can’t bring my coffee maker to Roskilde I will probably eat this cold every day (too lazy to heat it on the camping area).

FESTIVAL FOOD – CANNED RAVIOLI

cooking with a coffee maker

Time

  • ≥ 0 sec

Ingredients

  • 1 can of ravioli

Instructions

Start your coffee maker and add the ravioli into the carafe. Heat as long as you cope and serve the food directly from the can. Turn off the coffee maker.

cooking with a coffee maker

Yum? Yum!

cooking with a coffee maker

Canned pea-soup is also great festival food, and then there’s Dan’s favorite – white beans. Too bad that Dan is sooo picky and always want to heat the food before eating. Yawn.

Roskilde

Serve the cold ravioli with lukewarm 19 dkk wine from Netto. And look at that little armpit vagina! Sweet.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

Happy midsummer!

Haha, I never get tired of this. Last week we went to our cabin again and some friends joined us. I’ve already told you about Zappa and his sock hat and this time it was the same procedure again when we entered the smaller road. He’s like “OPEN THE FREKKIN WINDOW NOOOOOW, HUMAN!” and tries to smash it with his wrinkly head if I won’t open right away.

First I showed our friends in the back seat what it’s like for him without the sock hat. They immediately understood the problem. Then I put the sock hat on and they were amazed and probably thought I’m the smartest crazy cat woman in the world.

Kalle filmed him (and sang a gangster song as well):

Soon (in two hours) we’re off to the cabin again! We’re going to celebrate midsummer – THE best holiday in my opinion. That and crayfish parties. Or all parties really as long as you get to sing schnaps songs and wear hats. But I especially like the Midsummer hats that are made of flowers, leaves and stuff. Even made one to Gucci last year.Swedish midsummerI always forget that this is supposed to be a blog about food and not about cats. Maybe I should post a midsummer recipe as well. Yup, I’ll do that. You know? The most popular dish we Swedes eat on midsummer (well on every holiday, because we eat the same stuff on all holidays) is the soused herring. Hell, that’s disgusting. I remember last midsummer when our guests arrived and brought lots of this shit and I almost puked in front of them by the thought of it. Now that’s a proper welcome, right? I don’t like herring at all any longer and I’ve told you the story before and you can read about it here (beware of disgusting stuff, like puke- and diarrhea disgusting).

If you should try herring, try this type. This I actually loved (but if you read the story you know why I don’t any longer).

Pickled herring with onion

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Time

  • 1 hour + preparations and cooling

Ingredients

  • 1 tin of herring fillets
  • 0.5 dl vinegar
  • 2.5 dl water
  • 2 tsp pimento
  • 2 bay leaves
  • ½ dl sugar
  • 1 onion
  • 1 red onion
  • ½ leek

Instructions

Open the tin and drain the disgusting liquid stuff. Rinse the fillets and put it in a coffee carafe filled with water overnight.

Divide the herring into small pieces the following day and chop up all of the different onions.

Place everything except the herring (and the water) in the coffee carafe and pour the water into the brewer. Start the coffee maker. Let it coffee maker cook for about 30 minutes and then let it cool. Turn off the coffeemaker. Add the herring and pour everything into a fancy jar. It’s an old Swedish tradition as well that you should decorate the jar with some kind of balloon animal.

Serve.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

You could put the fillets in other bowls, but this is the coffee machine cuisine, right?

how to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook pickled herrings in your coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Typical Swedish christmas easter midsummer food.

Happy midsummer!

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

Scrambled eggs with mini sausages

coffee machine cuisine

Time

  • One hour

Ingredients

  • 2 eggs
  • 3 sausages
  • Olive oil
  • Pepper
  • Salt
  • Parmesan
  • Tomato

Instructions

Start your coffee maker and heat some oil in the carafe. Crack the eggs into the carafe and carafe-fry for 20 minutes or so. Stir occasionally. Remove when finished.

Pour a dash of oil directly on the heater. Slice the sausages on the ends and put them on the heater. Fry, and turn every now and then, for 20 minutes. Turn off the coffeemaker.

Serve the eggs and and the sausages with a couple of tomato slices. Add salt, pepper and grated parmesan properly so it tastes something.

coffee machine cuisine

How to cook scrambled eggs with your coffee maker.

coffee machine cuisine

How to fry sausages with your coffee maker

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

Zappa the Cat and his sock hat

Zappa likes to hang out the car window with his head, like a dog, when we’re driving around. Especially when we drive off the highway, onto a smaller road when we’re driving to our cabin. He gets stoked every time because he knows exactly where we are and that it’s not far to go before he can proceed with his mouse massacre he has going on there. He notice the road change right away and starts screaming if I don’t open the window. But there is a problem with this, his ears are too big and flutters all the time because of the wind. If we don’t drive super slow he finds it very annoying.

I recently came up with this great idea. A sock hat.

cat in a hat

I cut a small hole in the sock.

Yes, you may think this is a bit crazy. And maybe it is. Zappa wasn’t very happy about it either when I tried the sock hat at home. But last weekend when we went to our cabin, drove off the highway and on to the smaller road he once again started screaming and made me open the window. His big Yoda ears started to flutter as usual and then I put the sock hat on… AND CHECK THIS OUT!

(fitting soundtrack, huh?)

100% flutter free! His little head dangled out the window until his eyes shriveled.

No, they didn’t.

HA! And you know what? We also slowly cruised by a school class with like first graders waiting for the bus. Of course with Zappa’s head outside the window wearing the sock hat. Imagine their reactions…

How to cook Flying Jakob with a Coffee Maker – VIDEO

Have you ever eaten Flying Jakob? Before I met Dan I ate it all the time. It was one of the few dishes I knew by heart and liked to prepare before I started to cook with my coffee maker (I didn’t really cook back then at all). But since Dan has a bizarre thing against bananas I don’t cook or eat it any more (except this time recently for my web show). He absolutely hates bananas. I love bananas and especially on pizzas. I wanted to test Dan’s banana hate, because I thought he faked it, so I put just a mini piece of banana under some meat on his pizza. I mean, come on!? How bad could it be? Can you really hate a banana? Just too weird.

Well… Some people definitely hates bananas and he is obviously one of them, I know that for sure now. He got furious and spat everything out on MY pizza and then went to the toilet and almost puked.

This is how you cook Flying Jakob with your coffee maker. If you like bananas I hope you will try and cook it, it’s super tasty!

And my web show comes with subtitles now – check it out! 

Time

  • 5 hours

Ingredients

  • 1 plate of chicken
  • 1 plate of bacon
  • 2 ½ dl cream
  • 3 tbsp chili sauce
  • A lot of ketchup
  • 1 banana
  • A lot of sweet chili sauce
  • 1 tsp mustard
  • 2 tsp tomato paste
  • Peanuts
  • Chili powder
  • Chili Salt
  • Pepper
  • Rice

Instructions

Start the coffee maker. Place bacon on the heater and fry it for like 45 minutes, it should get really crispy and golden. Replace bacon with chicken pieces and fry it throughly so you won’t get sick or die.

Once you are done with this it’s time to cook the rice. But first you must remove the chicken, turn off and unplug the coffee maker and wash the plate.

Place the rice in the coffee maker carafe, pour water into the brewer and salt into the filter thingy. Plug in and start your coffee maker again and let it cook until it’s ready. Stir every now and then so the rice won’t stick. Pour the rice in a bowl and place foil over it. Wash the coffee maker carafe.

Slice the banana and mix it with the rest of the ingredients (not bacon nor rice) into the carafe. Cook until it gets really warm and stir occasionally. Season with salt and plenty of pepper. Turn off your coffee maker.

Pour the mess over the rice and top with bacon and some more peanuts. Enjoy!

how to cook food with a coffee maker

How to cook bacon with a coffee maker.

how to cook food with a coffee maker

Don’t forget to stir or it will stick like hell.

how to cook food with a coffee maker

How to cook Flying Jakob with a coffee maker.

how to cook food with a coffee maker

Delish!

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook Testicle Tacos with your Coffee Maker – VIDEO

Yay! It’s finally Friday and you know what that mean? “Fredagsmys” of course! I blogged about this Swedish phenomena a couple of months ago, will copy/paste that post under this episode of “Kaffekokarkocken” (=”The Coffe Maker Chef”) – my very own food show that I wrote about yesterday.

In this episode I will show you how to cook Testicle Tacos (what all Swedes eat on the Fredagsmys) with your coffee maker. Unfortunately the subtitles are not ready yet, but I think you will get the hang of it. The HANG of it. Get it? Maybe it’s good that the subs are not ready. I live in Gothenburg, a city in Sweden, that is famous for it’s lousy jokes.

Yeye. This is how you cook Testicle Tacos with a coffee maker!

Update: Now with subtitles!

The text under the clip translates “It almost looks like small labia”. It really does at 0.26! 

                                                                                                                                          

The “Fredagsmys” (the Cosy Friday) is an important, very swedish, thing. And for some reason tacos is the thing we eat on the Fredagsmys while we cuddle up in our pajamas in the sofas in front of Let’s Dance or Swedish Idol and shows like that. There is even a song about the Fredagsmys that’s annoyingly catchy.

Usually the protein in tacos are minced beef or/and pork but I think it’s important to use as much of the animal as possible (as long as we eat meat it’s stupid not to) so that’s why I used testicles from sheep this time. And also because the testicles looked very sweet and funny when I saw them laying there in the meat counter.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

Time

1.5 hours

Ingredients

  • Sheep testicles (I used 2 testis)
  • Taco Seasoning
  • Oil
  • Taco Shells
  • Cucumber
  • Red onion
  • Paprika
  • Corn
  • Grated cheese
  • Jalapeño
  • Salad
  • Tomato
  • Guacamole (Dan made this, but I guessed he used avocados, garlic, creme fraiche and some lime)
  • Salsa
  • And other stuff that you prefer in your tacos

Instructions

I knew neither how testicle should taste, how it should look and definitely not how it’s supposed to be cooked. But somehow they turned out great!

At first you have to rinse and scale the testicles. Divide them into slightly smaller pieces. Or well, that depends of how well hung the sheep were, maybe you don’t need to do this. But one of the testies I bought was freaking huge.

Add the pieces of testies in the coffee can, pour water into the brewer and start the coffee maker. Coffee maker cook for so-so 20 minutes. Chop up all the accessories in the meantime and prepare the guacamole.

When the testies become completely cooked, i.e. (what I think is) more grayish and spongy and less like a jelly fish, drain and rinse the disgusting stuff of from the balls. It sticks a lot of old testicular mucus which I don’t think should be there. Chop up the testies so it will become like testicular mince. Season with taco seasoning. Of course.

Heat the oil directly on the coffee maker plate and add the taco testicular mince. Coffee maker fry until the minced testies get a nice golden color. Turn off the coffee maker.

Serve the testies with whatever you want inside your testicle taco and let the Fredagsmys begin!

cooking with a coffee maker

It’s impossible not to fall in love with these!

cooking with a coffee maker

I didn’t think a testicle would have this consistency. Like a mix between chicken fillet and jelly fish.

coffee machine cuisine

Ball boiling.

cooking with a coffee maker

How to cook testicle tacos with your coffee maker!

cooking with a coffee maker

I like to have many balls in the air.

And what did it taste like? Great! I think maybe like a mix between chicken and quorn with a hint of sweaty balls. Maybe I just imagined the last part.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

I’ve got my own cooking show!

Finally I’m allowed to tell you all what I’ve kept a secret this whole spring. I’m one of seven food profiles in Sweden that are a part of a big food project on YouTube called Food Club.

I think it’s hilarious that the other profiles are top notch food masters (with gold in the Olympic Games of food and stuff like that) and then it’s me. Only a  couple of years ago asked my friend what the cooking time of an avocado was.

I talk Swedish in all of the episodes but they are working on the subtitles as I write this. But I think you will get the hang of it anyway. It would be so cool if you will subscribe, there will be lots of fun and crazy recipes and of course all of the cats are in the show as well. You will find the trailer and two of the episodes here – youtube.com/kaffekokarkocken

I give you… THE TRAILER OF MY VERY OWN COOKING SHOW!

KATJA WULFF – Coffee Maker Chef/Crazy Cat Lady

Late evening yesterday (Swedish time) me and Gucci were invited to a studio in Gothenburg for an interview with Weekend Sunrise – the number one rating weekend breakfast television program in Australia. It was lots of fun (and a bit confusing sometimes due to time delay…)!

We talked about Coffee Machine Cuisine and Gucci’s blog Meowtfit of the day. I nearly exploded with happiness when I saw my title in the clip.

Haha!

!!! Haha…

The fact that my name Katja Wulff is pronounced Catch a Wolf is mind blowing. Never thought of that once in my 32 year old life.

weekend sunrise

CATCH A WOLF – Coffee Maker Chef/Crazy Cat Lady

coffee machine cuisine

GUCCI THE CAT – Cat Of The Year 2013/Fashionista/It Model

cooking with a coffee maker

Outside SVT before the interview.

The return of Iggy the Cat

Whoa, some people went all bananas on different sites and forums because of the “How to cook your cat” post. Don’t know why? I can understand that Dan was slightly upset, since Iggy was his favorite cat. But for you other guys, I reckon this shouldn’t be worse than if I slaughtered a pig or a chicken.

Here are some of the comments, I had to censor the first one.

“I just read her blog “coffee machine cuisine” … She killed and cooked her cat…. I can’t find anything in that post that indicates it’s a joke either…. Crazy c*nt.” 

//Heidi Hamilton

This is my favorite.

“You are a cruel, mean and disgusting human who does not deserve the affection of an animal or to be allowed to have pets! I will I hope one day that someone comes up to you and holds you at gun point so you have “scared little eyes” and shoots you to put in a stew. I know you’re probably dans favourite girlfriend but if he’s as heartless as you are “he will get over it””

//G. A. Aka batshit* crazy cat lady

Interesting point there miss G.A. Do you have a recipe of human stew that I can forward to Dan? Maybe he and one of his other girlfriends (that he probably likes slightly less) can have a coffee maker cooked stew feast.

No, this can’t go on. This is supposed to be a feel-god blog, I definitely don’t want to become a stew, and since Dan misses Iggy a lot there is only one right thing to do…

…The Pet Sematary thing.

* I added that.

cooking with your coffee maker

It’s alive!

OMG it worked! We sacrificed a chicken (that someone else shot) and whoopie doo – Iggy came back from the dead.

cooking with a coffee maker

Here’s the chicken that someone else murdered but that we bought and sacrificed to the other side.

Now the family is all back together again. Well, the best parts of this family that is. Dan’s other girlfriends weren’t invited to the reunion.

cooking with a coffee maker

My little darling! It’s so nice to eat MEET you again.

cooking with a coffee maker

Zappa was happy to see Iggy again.

cooking with a coffee maker

On our way back home. Don’t worry, Gucci is sleeping in the yellow bag… OR IS SHE?

Ironically Iggy almost died again just after the last photo was taken. This idiot walked his dog on the cemetery WITHOUT A LEASH (that’s forbidden here). Madness. That disgusting dog tried to attack the cats and I almost sacrificed my life to save them (so we’re like even now, right?).

Dog owners are frekkin crazy people. Ugh. KEEP YOUR DOGS ON A LEASH FFS.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook Cauliflower Soup with your coffee maker

cooking with a coffee maker

Time

  • 4 ½ hours

Ingredients

  • 1 potato
  • 1 small onion
  • ½ cauliflower head
  • 6 dl vegetable broth
  • 100 g Philadelphia cheese
  • Butter
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Bacon
  • Bread
  • Butter
  • Garlic

Instructions

Start your coffee maker. Fry the bacon until it gets crispy, directly on the heater. Meanwhile prepare everything else that you’ll have to cut, peel and chop. Remove bacon, unplug the coffee maker and wash it.

Start your coffee maker again because now it’s time for the soup! Melt a dollop of butter in the carafe. Add chopped onions and potato and fry this for half an hour. Pour water into the brewer, the stock cube in the filter thingy and the finely chopped cauliflower into the carafe. Cook this until everything is tender.

Mash everything together (you could use a hand-held blender) until it gets fairly smooth. Add cheese and let it melt in the hot soup for another half an hour. Season with salt and pepper.

It’s nice to serve this tasty soup with garlic bread. Mix butter and garlic together and melt it on the heater. Fry the bread for like fifteen minutes on each side. Turn off your coffee maker.

Serve the soup with bacon on top and together with the garlic bread.

Cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook bacon with your coffee maker.

Cooking with your coffee maker

Chopeti-chop.

Cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook cauliflower soup with your coffee maker.

Cooking with your coffee maker

PHOTOBOMB!

Cooking with your coffee maker

Fry the bread in home made garlic butter. Yum!

Lots of new readers here, welcome to all of you! Let’s talk more on Twitter – and Instagram as well if you’d like to see some more photos of coffee maker cooking (and especially lots of photos of our cats).

Photo: Dan Sörensen.