Category Archives: Nose to Tail

The Testicle Taco Truck

It’s a dream come true! I’ve bought a food truck and will from now on be selling testicle tacos on the streets of Stockholm. The Testicle Taco Truck has already been nominated for best food truck in The Best Food Truck Of The Year Awards 2016. Wow!

testicle taco

A sketch I made half a year ago. Almost can’t believe that now it’s for real!

 

There will be blood…

This my friend, is how you cook three different kinds of heart on your coffee maker and make a sexy salad out of it. A great dish to serve on Valentine’s day.

Howo to cook food with your coffee maker

Time

2 hours

Ingredients

1/2 coffee maker plate of pig heart (1 plate is what fits on the coffee maker heater)
1/2 coffee maker plate of lamb heart
1/2 coffee maker plate of chicken hearts
Red chard
Pomegranate
Mozzarella
Parmesan
Walnuts
Balsamic vinegar
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper
Butter

Instructions

Start your coffee maker and heat the butter directly on the plate. Clear away the gory stuff from the hearts and cut into smaller pieces. Coffee maker fry a plate of lamb and pig heart (50 /50) throughly on each side. The time depends on the sizes of the pieces, for me it took approximately 45 minutes. Twist and turn so the hearts wont get burned. Season with love (salt and pepper) .

Replace the lamb and the pig hearts to all the chickens’ hearts you have prepared. Coffee maker cook them exactly the same as the others. Turn of your coffee maker.

Mix the salad with shared mozzarella and pomegranate. Place the hearts on the bed of fresh salad. Top with grated parmesan and crushed walnuts. Drizzle balsamic vinegar and serve.

How to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook heart with your coffee maker.

Howo to cook food with your coffee maker

Burned heart.

Howo to cook food with your coffee maker

Broken heart.

Howo to cook food with your coffee maker

I just love to play with my food (while the angels of the lambs, pigs and chickens all hums “Quit playing games with my heart”).

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook cat testicles with your coffee maker

Speaking of ballz… A while back ago, when I posted the “How to cook a cat with your coffee maker” on my Swedish blog, some people got kind of upset. I got all kind of weird comments but especially one got me very confused. This one person called me a cannibal and I really don’t get it. I’m not a cat (regardless of what Chris Ramsey believes). Iggy is not a human. So if I ate her (or if she ate me) that’s not cannibalism? Then it would be cannibalism if I ate a chicken, a cow, a pig or even if I swallowed a fly. And isn’t it normal in like China to eat both cats and dogs? And most of the Chinese people aren’t cannibals, are they? No, that was just a really stupid comment that I got.

But some people are kind of stupid and for those people I followed up with this next recipe, just to clear things out. If a cat eat parts of a cat – THAT´S cannibalism.

Or should I say canniballism

Fittingly the day after I got the comment we left Zappa for neutering. So now I give you my canniball-recipe:

how to cook food with your coffee maker how to cook food with your coffee maker

Time

  • 1 hour (excl. neutering)

Ingredients

  • 1 set of fresh cat testicles
  • 2 shrimps
  • 1 tbsp of Russian caviar (only the best for the best!)
  • Some minced meat
  • 1 quail egg yolk
  • 1 dash of oil
  • Some rocket salad

Instructions

Leave your male cat at the vets in the morning and pick him and “the remains” up in the afternoon.

Pour water into the coffee maker brewer and place the balls in the coffee maker carafe. Start your coffee maker and cook the balls until they get a bit more tender – but still with a crunchy core. The time depends on the size of the balls.

Meanwhile, prepare for the plating that ought to be kind of small portions – suitable for your cat. First a small bed of arugula, then a nice and round portion of minced meat and top with an egg yolk and a ball next to it.

Since it’s most often two balls I wanted to make two slightly different dishes. First the arugula, then the meat, but now top with shrimp, caviar and – of course – the second testicle.

Turn off your coffee maker.

Ready to be served!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Trying to find a suitaball recipe.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Don’t play with the food, Zappa!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook cat testicles with your coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

“Smells ballmy…”

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Nice to lick some ballz.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

“Thank you, Mami. That was delectaball!”

Now, that wasn’t hard to understand. Was it?

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook Testicle Tacos with your Coffee Maker – VIDEO

Yay! It’s finally Friday and you know what that mean? “Fredagsmys” of course! I blogged about this Swedish phenomena a couple of months ago, will copy/paste that post under this episode of “Kaffekokarkocken” (=”The Coffe Maker Chef”) - my very own food show that I wrote about yesterday.

In this episode I will show you how to cook Testicle Tacos (what all Swedes eat on the Fredagsmys) with your coffee maker. Unfortunately the subtitles are not ready yet, but I think you will get the hang of it. The HANG of it. Get it? Maybe it’s good that the subs are not ready. I live in Gothenburg, a city in Sweden, that is famous for it’s lousy jokes.

Yeye. This is how you cook Testicle Tacos with a coffee maker!

Update: Now with subtitles!

The text under the clip translates “It almost looks like small labia”. It really does at 0.26! 

                                                                                                                                          

The “Fredagsmys” (the Cosy Friday) is an important, very swedish, thing. And for some reason tacos is the thing we eat on the Fredagsmys while we cuddle up in our pajamas in the sofas in front of Let’s Dance or Swedish Idol and shows like that. There is even a song about the Fredagsmys that’s annoyingly catchy.

Usually the protein in tacos are minced beef or/and pork but I think it’s important to use as much of the animal as possible (as long as we eat meat it’s stupid not to) so that’s why I used testicles from sheep this time. And also because the testicles looked very sweet and funny when I saw them laying there in the meat counter.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

Time

1.5 hours

Ingredients

  • Sheep testicles (I used 2 testis)
  • Taco Seasoning
  • Oil
  • Taco Shells
  • Cucumber
  • Red onion
  • Paprika
  • Corn
  • Grated cheese
  • Jalapeño
  • Salad
  • Tomato
  • Guacamole (Dan made this, but I guessed he used avocados, garlic, creme fraiche and some lime)
  • Salsa
  • And other stuff that you prefer in your tacos

Instructions

I knew neither how testicle should taste, how it should look and definitely not how it’s supposed to be cooked. But somehow they turned out great!

At first you have to rinse and scale the testicles. Divide them into slightly smaller pieces. Or well, that depends of how well hung the sheep were, maybe you don’t need to do this. But one of the testies I bought was freaking huge.

Add the pieces of testies in the coffee can, pour water into the brewer and start the coffee maker. Coffee maker cook for so-so 20 minutes. Chop up all the accessories in the meantime and prepare the guacamole.

When the testies become completely cooked, i.e. (what I think is) more grayish and spongy and less like a jelly fish, drain and rinse the disgusting stuff of from the balls. It sticks a lot of old testicular mucus which I don’t think should be there. Chop up the testies so it will become like testicular mince. Season with taco seasoning. Of course.

Heat the oil directly on the coffee maker plate and add the taco testicular mince. Coffee maker fry until the minced testies get a nice golden color. Turn off the coffee maker.

Serve the testies with whatever you want inside your testicle taco and let the Fredagsmys begin!

cooking with a coffee maker

It’s impossible not to fall in love with these!

cooking with a coffee maker

I didn’t think a testicle would have this consistency. Like a mix between chicken fillet and jelly fish.

coffee machine cuisine

Ball boiling.

cooking with a coffee maker

How to cook testicle tacos with your coffee maker!

cooking with a coffee maker

I like to have many balls in the air.

And what did it taste like? Great! I think maybe like a mix between chicken and quorn with a hint of sweaty balls. Maybe I just imagined the last part.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

The return of Iggy the Cat

Whoa, some people went all bananas on different sites and forums because of the “How to cook your cat” post. Don’t know why? I can understand that Dan was slightly upset, since Iggy was his favorite cat. But for you other guys, I reckon this shouldn’t be worse than if I slaughtered a pig or a chicken.

Here are some of the comments, I had to censor the first one.

“I just read her blog “coffee machine cuisine” … She killed and cooked her cat…. I can’t find anything in that post that indicates it’s a joke either…. Crazy c*nt.” 

//Heidi Hamilton

This is my favorite.

“You are a cruel, mean and disgusting human who does not deserve the affection of an animal or to be allowed to have pets! I will I hope one day that someone comes up to you and holds you at gun point so you have “scared little eyes” and shoots you to put in a stew. I know you’re probably dans favourite girlfriend but if he’s as heartless as you are “he will get over it””

//G. A. Aka batshit* crazy cat lady

Interesting point there miss G.A. Do you have a recipe of human stew that I can forward to Dan? Maybe he and one of his other girlfriends (that he probably likes slightly less) can have a coffee maker cooked stew feast.

No, this can’t go on. This is supposed to be a feel-god blog, I definitely don’t want to become a stew, and since Dan misses Iggy a lot there is only one right thing to do…

…The Pet Sematary thing.

* I added that.

cooking with your coffee maker

It’s alive!

OMG it worked! We sacrificed a chicken (that someone else shot) and whoopie doo – Iggy came back from the dead.

cooking with a coffee maker

Here’s the chicken that someone else murdered but that we bought and sacrificed to the other side.

Now the family is all back together again. Well, the best parts of this family that is. Dan’s other girlfriends weren’t invited to the reunion.

cooking with a coffee maker

My little darling! It’s so nice to eat MEET you again.

cooking with a coffee maker

Zappa was happy to see Iggy again.

cooking with a coffee maker

On our way back home. Don’t worry, Gucci is sleeping in the yellow bag… OR IS SHE?

Ironically Iggy almost died again just after the last photo was taken. This idiot walked his dog on the cemetery WITHOUT A LEASH (that’s forbidden here). Madness. That disgusting dog tried to attack the cats and I almost sacrificed my life to save them (so we’re like even now, right?).

Dog owners are frekkin crazy people. Ugh. KEEP YOUR DOGS ON A LEASH FFS.

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook a birthday cake for your cat with a coffee maker.

Today is Gucci’s birthday! I’m not quite sure how old she is (her pedigree is somewhere at my parents’ place) but I think it’s her sweet 16. For her 15th (?) birthday I made her this birthday cake. I will never do it again because the smell was horrible and I almost threw up a couple of times.

But it looks quite nice, huh? A great tip is to starve your cats for a while before serving the cake. Our cats weren’t hungry when I finally served it so all of it was for nothing.

cooking with your coffee maker

 

Time

  • 3 hours (including cooling)

Ingredients

  • 1 bowl of dry foods
  • 1 pkg. of liver pâté
  • Some sheets of ham
  • Wet food
  • Shrimps
  • 1 egg yolk
  • Cat treats

Instructions

Add the dry food to the carafe and pour water into the brewer. Start your coffee maker and cook it until the dry food loosen up properly. Season with shrimps, stir and drain extra water if needed. Add an egg yolk and stir some more. Turn off your coffee maker.

Wrap the inside of an heart formed bowl (or whatever form you got) with cling film (this will make it easier to remove cake from bowl) and add some of the dry food mixture in the bottom. Layer with ham, shrimps, wet food, more dry food mixture, cat treats or other stuff that your cat fancies. Let the cake cool and stiff for a while in the freezer.

Remove the cake from the bowl and remove the cling film. Frost the cake with liver pâté and decorate it with cat treats, garlic press pressed pâté and top with a ham flower. ;)

Serve the cake accompanied with a bowl of yummy cat milk.

Purrfect!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

I can’t even explain how disgusting I think this smells…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…but Zappa think it smells delicious!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook a birthday cake for your cat with a coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Let the bowl of disgustingness cool of for a while.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Layer with dry food mixture, wet food, shrimps, ham or whatever your little fur ball fancies. Frost the cake with liver pâté.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

In honor of the day Iggy was dressed up in her pink boa…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…and Zappa was super handsome in his bow tie…

how to cook food with your coffee maker

…and of course the meowsome birthday girl Gucci was looking more beautiful than ever!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

They all tasted the cake, but like I said before… Starve them a while so they will appreciate all of your work more.

Happy birthday Gucci! Did you know that she’s got her own blog? She’s quite famous you see. Check it out! 

This is the music that will play all day long…

♫♫♫ Meow, meow, meow! ♫♫♫

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook a cat with your coffee maker

After I posted this on the Swedish version of Coffee Machine Cuisine people got very upset. Some of the things they called me was idiot, cannibal (?) and they even said that I’m the reason for the low status that cats got in this society. I don’t get why people are so upset?! It’s no worse than eating a cow, pig or a chicken if you ask me. And hunting must be the most humane way to kill animals for food.

It all took place on a warm and sunny day when me and Dan were out at our cabin with all of our cats. Since we got so many cats I figured that I could shoot one of them so I released them into the woods and began the hunt. First I thought that the fat one, Gucci, would be an easy shot but she managed to escape surprisingly quickly. It was the sun that eventually was Iggy’s downfall. She is quite photophobic you see so she could hardly see where she was going. And BAM, easy shot for me.cooking with your coffee maker

R.I.P. my little sweetheart.

Time

  • 5 hours

Ingredients

  • 1 cat
  • ½ red onion
  • 1 pimiento
  • 1 clove of garlic
  • 2 ½ dl coconut milk
  • 2 ½ dl cream
  • 2 tbsp meat extract
  • Juice of lime
  • Ginger
  • Butter

Instructions

Skin, fillet and chop the kitty cat. Start your coffee maker, grease the heater and place the pieces of your cat onto it. Fry it until they are cooked throughly and tender, it will take about an hour (it depends on what cut of meat you’re using and how fresh it is). Remove the meat and wipe the heater.

Chop all of the remaining ingredients that shall be chopped. Put a dollop of butter into the carafe, let it melt and then put the onion and the garlic in the carafe and fry it for about half an hour. Season with ginger. Add coconut milk, cream and meat extract and let it cook for two hours – it should get really warm. After that add the cat meat and wait a bit longer. Finally add pimiento pieces, lime juice and season generously with freshly ground black pepper and just a little salt. Turn off your coffee maker.

The best way to serve this delicious cat stew is accompanied by a glass of a tasty red wine and freshly baked bread.

cooking with your coffee maker

Dan was a little bit upset because Iggy was his favorite cat. But he’s over it now.

cooking with your coffee maker

How to cook a cat with your coffee maker.

cooking with your coffee maker

Wipe the heater after the cat frying.

cooking with your coffee maker

Take nice photos of the ingredients for your blog post.

cooking with your coffee maker

Add lime juice.

cooking with your coffee maker

Dan took this photo just before I shot her. Look at the panicked eyes. Haha!

Photo: Dan Sörensen.

No cats were harmed in the making of this recipe (one died though).

Oh, and check out the date for this post… ;)

Seven kinds of cookies

Let’s proceed with the cookie recipes I made together with Maria. Most of the recipes are based on ordinary shortcrust, so google that because I didn’t write it down. Anyway the ingredients aren’t as important as looks and execution. And I’ll tell you all about that in this blog post.

To bake and serve Seven kinds of cookies on the coffee break (the “fika”) is as Swedish as moose hunting, lingonberries (<- coffee maker made recipe for lingonberry ice-cream), midsummer, clogs, semla (<- coffee maker made recipe for semla), the Skarsgård family, snus, chrisp breads (<- coffee maker made recipe for chrisp breads), IKEA and royalties with dyslexia.

I don’t know anything about the history for Sju sorters kakor either, and once again I don’t care. I know it’s supposed to be seven kinds of different cookies that you have on your fika and then everybody is happy.

These are my seven cookies I want to serve to you on my fika.

Shit. This recipe is so much more fun in Swedish. Now you have to learn the Swedish names for the different cookies. Let’s begin with: Cookie = kaka.

Mögelkaka: Mold cookie
Kattbajskaka: Cat poop cookie
Pacmankaka: Pac man cookie
Finska finnar (Finska pinnar (Finnish sticks) is a very traditional cookie): Finnish pimples
Kondylomkaka: Condyloma cookie
Mardrömmar (Drömmar is also a traditional one): Nightmares (drömmar= dreams)
Moderkaka: Placenta (the literal translation is mother cookie)

Time

30 minutes/cookie

Instructions

Mix all the different cookie ingredients. Prepare the cookies as they should be prepared (see below) and put them on the coffee maker heater. Let them coffee maker bake until they are baked properly. Don’t forget to turn off your coffee maker when you are done baking!
cooking with your coffee maker

Which one is your favorite?

Let’s start with the preparations of the Mögelkaka.

Mögelkaka = Mold cake

The ingredients are oatmeal, sugar and butter. Mix them together and add just a few drops of blue caramel color. Stir a little and tadaaa!
cooking with your coffee maker

Doesn’t it like it has molded?

Kattbajskaka = Cat poop cookies

These are shortcrust cookies + cacao (+ hair). My cat Gucci was my inspiration for this recipe. You know when cats accidentally eats hair a turd might hang out from the anus because of the hair that’s still inside. And the cats panic because somethings chasing them… Gucci does that quite often. Ha! Poor cat.
cooking with your coffee maker

Can you see the hair?

Pacman kaka = Pac man cookie

Also shortcrust. Some of it with cacao and some of it without. The eye is a corinth. One of my favorites taste wise (I removed the corinth, that’s disgusting).

Finska finnar = Finnish pimples

Shortcrust + glaze + caramel color = Finnish pimples.
cooking with your coffee maker

Finnish pimples are those tiny ones.

Kondylomkakor = Condyloma cookies

Aren’t these cookies cute? I told you that Maria is a bake pro and she made these little cookies look just like small vaginas. Small vaginas with condyloma. Only using shortcrust, some cacao, caramel color and glaze. If you didn’t use all of the hair to the cat poop cookies you can add some to these cookies as well.
cooking with your coffee maker

Cookie vaginas before condyloma outbreak.

Mardrömmar = Nightmares

Google recipe for “Drömmar” and add cacao. Then you have a nightmare cookie. This one was Maria’s favorite.
cooking with your coffee maker

Zappa – the cocaine (?) cat.

Moderkaka = Placenta (≈mother cake)

The Moderkaka is not at all a traditional seven kinds of cookies cookie, but it sure is my favorite one. Okey, none of the above are traditional but the other ones are at least based on the same ingredients as traditional ones. The Moderkaka is harder to find but just ask the nearest hospital/pregnant friend/veterinarian and you might get lucky.
cooking with your coffee maker
cooking with your coffee maker

Tip: Cook the placenta (mother cake) last.

Fancy a fika?

Photo: Dan Sörensen

Bloody Valentine – How to cook three kinds of heart with your coffee maker

Valentine’s Day is called “Alla hjärtans dag” in Sweden and literally that translates “All of the hearts’ day”. So I went and bought three kinds of hearts (didn’t find any more) so it’s not really a “All of the hearts’s day”-recipe, but at least a three hearts’ recipe – lamb, chicken and pig. Well, a four hearts’ recipe if you count the love from your own heart that you’ll put in the making of this dish.

If we put this jibber jabber aside and get to the point. How do you cook heart with a coffee maker? I asked myself that question yesterday and like with the testies recipe I didn’t have a clue. The only thing I knew was that if it taste like liver it’s not right. So when it started to smell like liver during the cooking I got kind of nervous. I don’t know if I imagined the smell, or if the other ingredients hid the taste of liver, because the finished dish didn’t taste like liver.

So, this my friend, is how you cook three different kinds of heart on your coffee maker and make a romantic salad out of it.

coffee machine cuisine

Time

2 hours

Ingredients

1/2 coffee maker plate of pig heart (1 plate is what fits on the coffee maker heater)
1/2 coffee maker plate of lamb heart
1/2 coffee maker plate of chicken hearts
Red chard
Pomegranate
Mozzarella
Parmesan
Walnuts
Balsamic vinegar
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper
Butter

Instructions

Start your coffee maker and heat the butter directly on the plate. Clear away the gory stuff from the hearts and cut into smaller pieces. Coffee maker fry a plate of lamb and pig heart (50 /50) throughly on each side. The time depends on the sizes of the pieces, for me it took approximately 45 minutes. Twist and turn so the hearts wont get burned. Season with love (salt and pepper) .

Replace the lamb and the pig hearts to all the chickens’ hearts you have prepared. Coffee maker cook them exactly the same as the others. Turn of your coffee maker.

Mix the salad with shared mozzarella and pomegranate. Place the hearts on the bed of salad. Top with grated parmesan and crushed walnuts. Drizzle balsamic vinegar and serve.

coffee machine cuisine

There will be blood.

coffee machine cuisine

Burned heart.

coffee machine cuisine

Broken heart.

 

 

coffee machine cuisine

I just love to play with my food (while the angels of the lambs, pigs and chickens all hums “Quit playing games with my heart”).

Actually I don’t really care at all about Valentine’s Day. The “usual” celebration of this day anyway. My approach however to the day and my recipe I find is darn good. This is a recipe that contains a lot of hearts (this makes more sense in Sweden because of the Swedish name for Valentine’s – “All of the hearts’ day”)! There is a large surplus of hearts (and other parts of course) after the animals were slaughtered so this is a good day to celebrate the nose to tail eating instead. So from the bottom of my heart I wish you a lovely All of the hearts’ day.

Foto: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook Pork Knuckles with your coffee maker

Ha! A well known swedish news paper called me yesterday for an interview about the nose to tail trend. I think that she probable called to ask me about my opinion because of my testicle tacos recipe. And I’m glad to get the opportunity to officially be a pro nose to tail person. Because I DO think it’s very important to at least try to cook with “strange” ingredients if you eat meat. At least one time! To say that something you have never tried is disgusting is stupid. If you gladly eat the asses of different animals, why not try the balls as well?

One thing that is disgusting though is pork knuckles. Well, if you ask me. You should try it for yourself and see. Here’s how you can try to cook it with your coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

Time

6 hours + cooling

Ingredients

  • 1 divided knuckle of pork
  • 1 onion
  • 1 carrot
  • 6 pieces of allspice berries
  • 2 bay leaves
  • White pepper
  • A lot of salt (like 2 tbsp of it)

Instructions

Thaw feet if necessary. Shave, scrub and rinse the halves well. Chop up the onion and the carrot. Put this together with the spices in the coffee maker can. Pour water into the machine and start the coffee maker. Let stand for about 6 hours, or until the meat is soft and starts to detach from the bone.

Let the halves cool off in the stock, this will solidify into some kind of gelatinous mess that will taste wonderful.

No, I actually thought it was disgusting. But my main problem with this dish is that I have an issue with eating meat directly from bones. It’s the same with chicken legs or spare ribs.

But at least I tried it!

how to cook food with your coffee maker

They look kind of cute, don’t they?

how to cook food with your coffee maker

I love to use ingredients that I have to shave before cooking! <3

how to cook food with your coffee maker

How to cook pork knuckles with your coffee maker.

how to cook food with your coffee maker

It just felt right to eat the pork knuckle naked on the floor.

Foto: Dan Sörensen.

How to cook Testicle Tacos with your coffee maker

The “Fredagsmys” (the Cosy Friday) is an important, very swedish, thing. And for some reason tacos is the thing we eat on the Fredagsmys while we cuddle up in our pajamas in the sofas in front of Let’s Dance or Swedish Idol and shows like that. There is even a song about the Fredagsmys that’s annoyingly catchy.

Usually the protein in tacos are minced beef or/and pork but I think it’s important to use as much of the animal as possible (as long as we eat meat it’s stupid not to) so that’s why I used testicles from sheep this time. And also because the testicles looked very sweet and funny when I saw them laying there in the meat counter.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

Time

1.5 hours

Ingredients

  • Sheep testicles (I used 2 testis)
  • Taco Seasoning
  • Oil
  • Taco Shells
  • Cucumber
  • Red onion
  • Paprika
  • Corn
  • Grated cheese
  • Jalapeño
  • Salad
  • Tomato
  • Guacamole (Dan made this, but I guessed he used avocados, garlic, creme fraiche and some lime)
  • Salsa
  • And another stuff that you prefer in your tacos

Instructions

I knew neither how testicle should taste, how it should look and definately not how it’s supposed to be cooked. But somehow they turned out great!

At first you have to rinse and scale the testicles (see clip below). Divide them into slightly smaller pieces. Or well, that depends of how well hung the sheep were, maybe you don’t need to do this. But one of the testis I bought was freaking huge.

Add the pieces of testies in the coffee can, pour water into the brewer and start the coffee maker. Coffee maker cook for so-so 20 minutes. Chop up all the accessories in the meantime and prepare the guacamole.

When the testies become completely cooked, i.e. (what I think is) more grayish and spongy and less like a jelly fish, drain and rinse the disgusting stuff of from the balls. It sticks a lot of old testicular mucus which I don’t think should be there. Chop up the testies so it will become like testicular mince. Season with taco seasoning. Of course.

Heat the oil directly on the coffee maker plate and add the taco testicular mince. Coffee maker fry until the minced testies get a nice golden color. Turn off the coffee maker.

Serve the testies with whatever you want inside your testicle taco and let the Fredagsmys begin!

how to cook food in a coffee maker

It’s impossible to not fall in love with these!

how to cook food in a coffee maker

I didn’t think a testicle would have this consistency. Like a mix between chicken fillet and jelly fish.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

Ball boiling.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

How to cook testicle tacos with your coffee maker!

how to cook food in a coffee maker

I like to have many balls in the air.

And what did it taste like? Great! I think maybe like a mix between chicken and quorn with a hint of sweaty balls. Maybe I just imagined the last part.

OK! Here’s how you rinse and scale the testies.

Doesn’t it look like a vagina that’s popping out?

Ha! This is how it looks like right now on GP.se (one of Sweden’s largest newspaper).

testicle tacos

Yup. I’m the one who’s juggling with the testicles.

Foto: Dan Sörensen.

The coffee maker chef that loves balloons and cats

Yes, that what this article in GP (Sweden’s second largest morning paper) says! And it’s about why I started to cook food in my coffee maker, my “day job” as a balloon artist and the blog about our cat Gucci that started the Cats wearing tights trend.

how to cook food in a coffee maker

 

I love my title – “Kaffekokarkock” = Coffee maker chef.