Let’s proceed with the cookie recipes I made together with Maria. Most of the recipes are based on ordinary shortcrust, so google that because I didn’t write it down. Anyway the ingredients aren’t as important as looks and execution. And I’ll tell you all about that in this blog post.
To bake and serve Seven kinds of cookies on the coffee break (the “fika”) is as Swedish as moose hunting, lingonberries (<- coffee maker made recipe for lingonberry ice-cream), midsummer, clogs, semla (<- coffee maker made recipe for semla), the Skarsgård family, snus, chrisp breads (<- coffee maker made recipe for chrisp breads), IKEA and royalties with dyslexia.
I don’t know anything about the history for Sju sorters kakor either, and once again I don’t care. I know it’s supposed to be seven kinds of different cookies that you have on your fika and then everybody is happy.
These are my seven cookies I want to serve to you on my fika.
Shit. This recipe is so much more fun in Swedish. Now you have to learn the Swedish names for the different cookies. Let’s begin with: Cookie = kaka.
Mögelkaka: Mold cookie
Kattbajskaka: Cat poop cookie
Pacmankaka: Pac man cookie
Finska finnar (Finska pinnar (Finnish sticks) is a very traditional cookie): Finnish pimples
Kondylomkaka: Condyloma cookie
Mardrömmar (Drömmar is also a traditional one): Nightmares (drömmar= dreams)
Moderkaka: Placenta (the literal translation is mother cookie)
Mix all the different cookie ingredients. Prepare the cookies as they should be prepared (see below) and put them on the coffee maker heater. Let them coffee maker bake until they are baked properly. Don’t forget to turn off your coffee maker when you are done baking!
Which one is your favorite?
Let’s start with the preparations of the Mögelkaka.
Mögelkaka = Mold cake
The ingredients are oatmeal, sugar and butter. Mix them together and add just a few drops of blue caramel color. Stir a little and tadaaa!
Doesn’t it like it has molded?
Kattbajskaka = Cat poop cookies
These are shortcrust cookies + cacao (+ hair). My cat Gucci was my inspiration for this recipe. You know when cats accidentally eats hair a turd might hang out from the anus because of the hair that’s still inside. And the cats panic because somethings chasing them… Gucci does that quite often. Ha! Poor cat.
Can you see the hair?
Pacman kaka = Pac man cookie
Also shortcrust. Some of it with cacao and some of it without. The eye is a corinth. One of my favorites taste wise (I removed the corinth, that’s disgusting).
Finska finnar = Finnish pimples
Shortcrust + glaze + caramel color = Finnish pimples.
Finnish pimples are those tiny ones.
Kondylomkakor = Condyloma cookies
Aren’t these cookies cute? I told you that Maria is a bake pro and she made these little cookies look just like small vaginas. Small vaginas with condyloma. Only using shortcrust, some cacao, caramel color and glaze. If you didn’t use all of the hair to the cat poop cookies you can add some to these cookies as well.
Cookie vaginas before condyloma outbreak.
Mardrömmar = Nightmares
Google recipe for “Drömmar” and add cacao. Then you have a nightmare cookie. This one was Maria’s favorite.
Zappa – the cocaine (?) cat.
Moderkaka = Placenta (≈mother cake)
The Moderkaka is not at all a traditional seven kinds of cookies cookie, but it sure is my favorite one. Okey, none of the above are traditional but the other ones are at least based on the same ingredients as traditional ones. The Moderkaka is harder to find but just ask the nearest hospital/pregnant friend/veterinarian and you might get lucky.
Tip: Cook the placenta (mother cake) last.